Do people really care?

 

Hi hello!

So, often we feel like people does not care about us, and no one truly cares, so we often feel like no one will ever be there for us. And, eventually you bottle up your feelings,,,,, and it accumulates and explode.

I used to feel this way, and I felt as if no one cares. I always end up crying alone, but not because no one cares, because I don't wanna feel like a burden. Everyone facing their own struggles, don't want to add mine. So, I keep it up to myself. Until, one point that I couldn't stand dah. I penat gila. So, i exploded. Especially to the one who causing all the pain to accumulates. I spitted out words that I regret afterwards, but hey spitted out the truth to someone who never acknowledge their fault, tak berguna pun. Dia tak realize pun noks. Sampai now.

Okay back to my main point of writing; I just want to say, it's unfair to feel as if no one cares, when there are a lot of people who does, but we didn't see them because our vision was blurred by our tears. Our feelings are valid, just that sometimes your mind tricked you into believing no one cares. Worst is if you had bad and traumatic past, well you'll be associating things that happen in your present with your past.

I associate my present with my past a lot, and I am learning to unlearn that. Because, it's toxic for you. You are living in the present, not your past or the future. However, it's understandable that it's difficult. I know. I am struggling too. I have to remind myself everyday that I am okay, it's okay to be sad, my feelings are valid; my thoughts probably not. 

I have to remind myself how I deserve a lot of good things, because I want to change for the better.

How I will be happy in the future and not stuck in my past. I have to do that every single day. And, tbh it's exhausting. Very. I want to die everyday, but I know I can't. I know God knows best, just at some moments, I could not accept it. So, I questioned. 

Dan, I tahu bukan tempat I untuk mempersoalkan segala apa yang jadi. Jadi, I cuba sedaya upaya untuk mengingatkan diri bahawa sesungguhnya, kau bukan Tuhan Shasha. Dan, Tuhan sentiasa betul, tak kira apa pun. Dia kurniakan banyak benda yang I mungkin terlepas pandang, dan Dia juga selamatkan I dari banyak perkara yang i taktahu. Dia makbulkan banyak doa I yang mungkin I dah lupa. Dia tahu dan Dia tahu bila nak beri apa yang I minta pada masa yang Dia rasa sesuai. Bukan masa I, tapi masa Tuhan.

I sedar yang Tuhan tunjuk I apa yang I minta tu melalui orang yang I kenal, Tuhan hantar kawan yang baik, yang terima I apa adanya, yang sentiasa doakan I, yang sentiasa ada untuk I bila I perlu. I may not reach out, but they are there. Jadi, untuk segala yang dikurniakan Tuhan, I bersyukur. Cuma, when the emotional and sad phase coming in tu, susah juga nak ingat benda ni. So, I struggle la juga hahah.

I gotta ask Sarah if this really worth it, if I am worth it. If I deserve to be happy, walaupun in fact I tahu i deserve segala benda yang baik dan terbaik di dunia dan akhirat, tapi ye ke. Begitulah. You know, toughen your mind is a lot of hard work sksksk. 

And, I am praying for everyone that need helps, to seek for help <3 loving yourself and accept your past and living in the present could be quite a hassle! but, it worth it. You can't see it now, but you'll be able to see it soon!