2019

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE.

So, it's already 2019. May this 2019 brings you happiness and we focus on self-care alright? In this entry, I want to share how was my previous year look like and why I think self-care and self-development are my focus for my 2019!

My 2017 and 2018 (around semester 5 and 6), I am not saying that I am depressed? But, I kind of in the state where I was numb, empty and just empty. Legitly I felt nothing. Despite the smiles and laughs, I was empty inside. I was all laughing and smiling when I am around people but crying and blankly stared at the ceiling for a year. I had the thought of self-harm and suicidal thoughts from time to time for a year. Maybe I was stressed, I really don't know what triggers me lol. But, I was in that phase really. Things that keep me alive are my parents, probably their doa too. I tried really hard to not do such things hahahah sebab dosa kan! Besides that, my friends helped a lot. They know nothing about this but you know somehow they motivate me and such, so I felt a bit better. 

I only told one person - MySarah about it. Lol about how I been thinking of actually cut myself. Ya Allah it was real. I barely breathed as I was crying @ 4 AM IN THE MORNING. I was emotional, very. This happened few times kot sebab I macam tak sedar the act of uhm nak ambil pisau. LOL MAI WAS GELABAH LAH LIKE BODO IF U WANT TO DIE THEN AKU KENA MATI JUGAK LA. Ugh, thank you for staying!!!!!!!!!

Anyway, I don't want to elaborate more on it. I just want to say I AM FINE NOW!!! At least for now. I am trying to learn to love myself and how my happiness does not depend on anyone (I practiced this since forever but I somehow forget how to do it). AND I BELIEVE THAT EVERYONE SHOULD LOVE THEMSELVES. Sometimes, your brain is the bad one. You are loved. Don't let emotions took over you. And also, eat healthily and exercise regularly! DO THINGS YOU LOVE AND YOU WILL OVERCOME THIS! I am praying for everyone's mental health to be great this year and forever!

It is not easy to talk about this since I am not clinically diagnosed. However, I want to share just in case my friends read this and they need someone, I am here okay. Always! I will try to make time for you and listen to wtv you have been pendam ok. mwah

Loves,

Shasha