emotional breakdown, again.

 

Isn't it boring that all I updated is my series of emotional breakdown?

I kinda feel sorry for myself for having those mental breakdowns quite often nowadays.

Truth is I don't know why I keep on having it. I feel overwhelmed most of the times. And then, everything just hit me hard. 

Last weekend, I experienced one of my worst mental breakdown. I cried for hours. And I couldn't sleep well haha. And of course been questioning stuff that happened around me. One thing about me is, I always rationalize myself when I am having my breakdown haha. I often do that. Not sure how though.

When I was having those emotional breakdown, I cried and wonder WHY ON EARTH NO ONE BE THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEED THEM... but then, I never seek for anyone's help to be there for me. Or, if someone actually want to be there and ask me if I am okay and what's wrong with me, I'll always push them away and say I am okay. So, it's never anyone's fault but mine.

Also, sometimes I questioned my decision on the things I did, but it already happened...So, why should I questioning? But, of course, things probably different now if and only if I didn't do the things I have done. And, I learned to pick up myself because no one else would. Basically, emotional breakdown is me crying and talk to myself and solve things myself. Hahaha.

Anyway, I planned to go to the KK for mental health saringan...But, Covid-19 and I kinda malas beratur....but i rasa perlu pergi juga. So pray for me and my mental health. I penat dah hidup begini hahah. tiring af. thanks.