december 2020 - adios

 

hi! I don't think I can post it on 31/12/2020. 

So, 2020 ended in a blink of an eye.

A lot of things happened this year. I am grateful for everything that I once had and what I have now. I think I had a lot of mental breakdown this year alone HAHAHAAH padahal I bukannya busy stress kerja pun kan.

Anyway, I wanted to tell that I went for DASS test, again. This time I went to Klinik Kesihatan. I went because my lips is dry - and lips discoloration and small bumps on my lips happened. So, I was worried. I tried lip mask and everything I could, but turns out that didnt work well hahah. Therefore, I decided to go to KK. Alang-alang pergi tu I terus la buat DASS jugak sebab I patut pergi bulan 10. hhehehe but bish been procastinating!!! sowwy self <3 

So, not yet officially diagnosed, I think. Because I need to undergo Thyroid-stimulating Hormone test (TSH). Dr said she needs to know if I have thyroid since the symptoms are same with mental health; depression and anxiety. Next appointment is in 20 days, so yeah. I got counselling session on March 2021. Mine is kinda late because I don't do self harm. I just had emotional breakdown and feeling numb. So, probably still under control. Dr. advised me to do mood journal, try something new and walk more! Keep track on my mood and write it out, so I can monitor. 

Dr. said that I need to do that, so I have something to look forward every day. I gotta say, I managed to get myself doing things all this time because I know I had to. I don't have choice. I NEED TO GET UP EVERYDAY EVEN ON THE DAYS I FELT HEAVY. I don't know, man. Hope this works out.

Let's hope for the best. My lips pula, Dr. bagi ubat sapu je sebab Dr kata banyak faktor and my mental health can affect that too. Tapi, I takde anxiety la kot sebab normal je DASS. So, we'll see. It took me years to go and seek professional help. I had to because sometimes everything just to overwhelm. Even on the days I think I am okay. I haven't tell my parents la, because they will be asking, "kenapa pulak depress" and I dont have the answer. I dont know, yet. I am going to the Dr because I want to know.

Anyway, i hope 2021 will be a better year for me! 

xoxo shasha