Never run back to what hurting you, twice.

 

Hi. So, I haven't updated anything because I was in a very depressing phase for the past few months. Until now.

I just want to put it here, that I should never run back to what hurting me, twice. I thought I am over him before, apparently, I am not. He begged and he came back into my life, he said sorry, just to break me all over again. And, this time, I really had it bad. Real bad compared to the first one. 

He chose her, again. And, I guess, he'll never stop choosing her. Isn't it sad to not be chosen by someone you love? I am tired, and that really broke me into pieces. Idk, why would he be coming back, if he wanted to choose her? Maybe, maybe because I'm always there. Because, I wasn't mad. Because, I forgive him.

Idk what messed my mind up, was it him or the memories? But, he sure triggered me in any way possible.

Heck with the 'I am trying to change, I know I hurt you. I am sorry'. Apa gunanya perkataan kalau tidak seiring tindakan? I penat. dan penat lagi. Betullah tu, I patut pilih diri I over anything. Tapi, kadang-kadang kan penat sebab kita je pilih diri kita, orang lain tak pun. 

Kalau dulu I mampu nak cakap kat orang, takpelah hidup memang macam ni. Kita bangun ok? Tapi, now I couldn't say it. Because, I wanna end mine too. Tapi, sebab tak boleh putus asa. Sebab, orang mukmin tak boleh putus asa. Sebab ada agama dan iman. Jadi, I boleh doa dan doa dan doa lagi supaya Tuhan permudahkan.

Tuhan tahu la apa yang dia bagi kan. And, I know I deserve better. I always deserve better. Tak kisah sendirian atau ada pasangan, I sentiasa deserve better. Jadi, semoga I mampu mengingatkan diri sendiri yang people come and go, tapi diri I permanent. So, make the best out of it. 

Even if no one chooses you, you can never stop choosing yourself.

over anything and everything.